Thanksgiving break is almost here. For many families, this means welcoming college students or young adults back into the house. While it’s an exciting time to reconnect, it can also be an adjustment for everyone. You are excited about having her home but may also be nervous about what to anticipate. It’s often the first extended time at home since they left for college, and the first semester at college may have been their first glimpse of “freedom.” Your child has likely grown and changed during their time away, and they’re coming home with a new sense of independence. Balancing this with the familiarity of home life can take some thought and flexibility. So, they may wonder if coming home and keeping that independence is possible. And for parents, balancing the desire to reconnect with respecting their independence can be tricky.
Add ADHD or Anxiety to the mix, and things might get even more complex. ADHD can make the sudden change in structure overwhelming, while anxiety might leave them feeling unsure about how to navigate shifting expectations and family dynamics.
Here are a few things to consider:
They Come Home Exhausted
Let them sleep—all day if necessary! College life is a whirlwind of late nights, early mornings, and constant demands, leaving many students completely drained. Kids with ADHD, in particular, are often running on adrenaline, juggling schedules, managing executive functioning challenges, and navigating social life. Add in the stress of exams, and they’re likely running on fumes.
When they come home, don’t be surprised if they crash hard. Their sleep-deprived bodies may need significant downtime before they’re ready to socialize or jump into family activities. Respect their need for rest; it’s not laziness—it’s recovery.
Family Dynamics Have Shifted
While your child has grown and changed at school, your home has likely adjusted in their absence too. Siblings may have stepped into new roles within the family, and you’ve likely grown accustomed to a quieter house or a simpler routine.
When they return, there’s bound to be an adjustment period. You might love the renewed hustle and bustle of family life but also find yourself missing the ability to see the floor in the front hall or not sharing the car. Your child probably feels a similar ambivalence: happy to be home but adjusting to being back under your roof.
For kids with anxiety, this shifting family dynamic might feel overwhelming. They may worry about “fitting in” again or how their relationships with siblings have changed. Be patient and reassuring as everyone finds their rhythm.
Making the Transition Smoother
Adjust the Rules
It’s natural to want to fall back into old patterns, but your child isn’t the same person who left in the summer. They’ve tasted huge independence—choosing when to eat, sleep, and go out. Now, they’re coming home to a place where curfews and family routines might still exist.
The key is communication. Have an open and straightforward conversation about expectations. For instance, you might agree on a general check-in time rather than a strict curfew. For kids with ADHD, being clear and specific about these expectations can help avoid misunderstandings. Write things down if needed—it’s about creating clarity, not control.
Give Them Space
It’s tough, especially if you haven’t seen them in months, but giving your child space to decompress is vital. They might not want to dive into deep conversations about school or share every detail of their lives. For students with anxiety, coming home might feel overwhelming, especially if everyone expects them to “perform” or engage right away.
Instead of pushing for connection, let them lead the way. Sometimes, just being in the same room, sharing a quiet moment, can be enough to reestablish a sense of closeness.
Don’t Be Too Nosy
Your child might eventually open up about their semester—what they’ve learned, how they’ve changed, and what they’re excited about—but it may take time. Instead of asking direct questions about grades or future plans, try engaging with their interests. Listen when they share their excitement about a new class, a favorite professor, or a fresh perspective they’ve gained. For kids with ADHD, reflecting on their accomplishments might come more naturally when focusing on their growth, not outcomes.
Stock Up on Their Favorites College dining halls get old fast. Fresh fruit, home-cooked meals, and their favorite snacks can make them feel welcome and cared for. Bonus: a well-stocked fridge is great leverage for keeping them around for family dinners!
Let Them Pitch In When your child returns home, it’s easy to fall back on old habits. You can spoil them a little, but don’t do everything for them. Follow their lead because helping them out too much can make them feel like guests in their own home.
Connect and Have Fun!
While giving your child space is important, carving out time for meaningful family activities can strengthen your bond. Here are a few ideas to make the break fun and memorable:
Escape Rooms 🗝️Work together to solve puzzles and beat the clock! This can be a hit with ADHD kids, as it engages focus, creativity, and teamwork in a dynamic way.
Game Night with a Twist 🎲Try interactive games like Jackbox Party Games or classic board games like Ticket to Ride. ADHD kids often thrive with fast-paced or collaborative games that keep everyone engaged.
Outdoor Adventures 🌲Take a hike, visit a holiday lights display, or do something seasonal like a corn maze. Physical activity is a great way to release energy and reduce stress, especially for those with anxiety.
DIY Cooking or Baking Challenge 🍪Let everyone choose a dish to cook or bake, and make it a fun family competition. For extra fun, try a themed dinner night, like homemade pizzas or holiday cookies.
Movie or Show Marathons 📺Snuggle up on the couch and binge a favorite series or enjoy a movie marathon with plenty of snacks. This low-pressure activity can be especially soothing for anxious kids who need time to relax.
Thanksgiving break doesn’t have to be perfect—it’s about connection, not perfection. Be patient with the process, and remember that this time together is a gift. Whether you share a big family meal, tackle an escape room, or simply sit on the couch together, the memories you create will last long after the leftovers are gone.
Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃💛
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